Women — and I am one of them — know there are plenty of things about our grooming routines that annoy you: the length of time it takes for us to get ready, our periodic reliance on blow dryers, purses full of products.
But your grooming habits can annoy us just as much.
It’s not necessarily the things you do — it’s the things you don’t do. Sure, women like men to be men, but we don’t want you to be cavemen. So look over this list of some of our biggest grooming turn-offs and see if you recognize anything about yourself. Then, for your sake and ours, follow our simple advice on how to deal.
Jacked-up toenails
Think we don’t notice how awful your feet look? Well, we get pedicures, paint our toenails, and wear uncomfortable shoes in part to make our feet look hot. So we notice feet. Make Sunday nail-trimming day and don’t let the white part grow past the end of your toe. If your nails look yellow, go to a dermatologist or podiatrist. ‘Cause that ain’t right.
Bacne
Back + acne = “bacne.” And it’s not attractive. So use a back brush and body wash containing salicylic acid. Also, remove your sweaty workout clothes ASAP after exercising and shower right away; sweat clogs pores and causes zits.
Chewed hangnails
Women love to look at your hands because we imagine them touching us. That fantasy is a lot less satisfying when the skin around your nails is gnawed into hamburger. So stop biting and apply hand lotion around your nails before bed. It’ll soak in overnight, and after a couple weeks you’ll undo the damage.
Nose hair
You know what nose hair says to us? “I’m old and never look in a mirror.” If you don’t want to drop the cash on an electronic nose-hair trimmer from Brookstone or Sharper Image, buy a small pair of scissors in the makeup aisle of a drugstore. Make trimming another Sunday ritual. Lift your chin in front of a mirror, look up your nose, and assume women see you from that angle. (We’re generally shorter.) Then trim appropriately.
Freshly-popped zits
Yes, it’s tempting, but popped zits look gross when they’re all red and inflamed, so instead apply a super-strong spot treatment as soon as you feel a zit coming on. Then reapply a couple times a day until it’s gone.
Shoulder or back hair
Chest hair is fine. Back hair is not fine. We know it’s out of your control, but if we get our lady areas waxed every few weeks, you can handle this. If it’s only a few stray hairs, a mirror and a pair of tweezers should do the trick. Sadly waxing is probably your only option if you’re really hairy. It’s not that bad, and we will show our appreciation.
Unibrow
A unibrow indicates you’re too much of a wuss to pluck a few stray hairs. So break out the tweezers, but don’t go crazy; you need only make sure the bridge of your nose is clear of hair. Is the pain is too much, princess? Numb the area with Orajel first.
Body odor
A good antiperspirant or deodorant should do the trick for most guys. But you should also scrub areas that get especially sweaty (like your armpits, crotch, and butt). Dead skin cells make odor worse, and scrubbing will get rid of them and downgrade your B.O.
Chapped lips
Carry lip balm around with you and use it periodically throughout the day. Oh, and don’t think licking your lips will solve anything. Yeah, it may work in the short term, but your saliva has acid in it that ultimately makes your lips dry. And we do not want to make out with flaky, cracked lips.
